Khlomoney is dead; Long Live Khlomoney

“You need to get your dick wet that badly? Then get your fucking dick wet.”  

- Keeping Up With the Kardashians (KUWTK),

Season 13

Khloé Kardashian throws a glass of water at Scott Disick after he makes the decision to fly girls out to the Costa Rica hotel where the family is vacationing, just months after his divorce from her sister Kourtney Kardashian. In this moment, perhaps one carefully engineered by producers, Khloé’s passion still manages to seep through her every pore - her power, boldness, and care for her sisters are undeniable. 

Many readers may be asking why I, an editor of an intellectual women’s magazine, give a damn about the Kardashians in the first place. As an avid Khlomoney fan and follower, I can recognise that this moment may not stick in anyone else’s mind the way that it sticks in mine. 

I love this moment because I feel that this scene truly encapsulates the era of Khlomoney, Khloé’s iconic alter ego; or perhaps her realest self. Much like King Kylie, Khlomoney was born out of the chaos of the mid-2010s. With a pomade brow to die for and an ombre balayage, this was the era where Khloé was the most unapologetically herself. She was loud, she was angry, she cried and she shared her weaknesses. In contrast with her sisters, Khloé chose not to heavily armour the soft underbelly of her character until the later seasons. For this, she was shamelessly exploited by the cameras. 

Unavoidably, the Kardashians are problematic; constantly embracing and setting unattainable beauty standards, wearing cornrows when they shouldn’t, endorsing appetite suppressants and encouraging overconsumption. Despite this – despite all of this – I think I might always ride for Khloe Kardashian. The youngest of the Kardashian sisters, Khloé was just 23 years old when season one of Keeping Up With The Kardashians (KUWTK) aired. The early seasons capitalised on her youth; the anger, the messiness, and the awkwardness which inevitably comes with being in one’s early twenties. 

Khlomoney was truly iconic -but she was also stripped topless by Kim, blackout drunk in a hotel elevator, and filmed as the doors opened on a group of unassuming guests. The Khlomoney era, that messy period we all go through, was exploited and capitalised upon. These were her violent years, the years in which her tan was way too dark and her neon acrylic nails were constantly flipping off paparazzi. Khlomoney’s Instagram was covered in dollar bills, ads for skinny tea, and snapback hats. In an episode where Khloé is sent to anger management classes, the counselor asks Khloé about her most recent altercation with Disick, where she had struck him after he had grabbed Kourtney. 

With her arms crossed and back straight, sporting a fresh blowout, Khlomoney smirks, proudly answering: 

“He’s a douche lord, and I hit him.” 

This episode was perhaps a turning point for Khloé. Despite being fairly clearly set up by the producers, the anger management class helps her get to grips with her behaviour. She realizes that she is lashing out at Scott not just because he is a douche lord, but also because she feels distant from her sister, who constantly takes Scott’s side despite his infidelity. The ways in which her sisters abandon and belittle Khloé is in some ways just part of being in a family. But on a wider scale, the constant labelling of Khloé as a problem within the family unit leads her to isolate herself. Being Khlomoney must have been liberating; but also lonely. 

Khloé’s journey is as honest as anything on E! can be, and serves as a reminder to all of us that the messiest versions of ourselves can still flourish. The Khlomoney to Khloé pipeline is marked with many instances of fighting, swearing, crying, public intoxication, and other moments of TV drama that the cameras ate up, but also that we might be able to recognise in our own lives. Khloé’s messiness is certainly present in me. 

A lot of the early seasons’ scenes of her are raw, genuine, and unapologetic, and in them she is a markedly young woman, full of  kindness and insecurity. Looking back, she herself comments on how she felt out of place next to Kim and Kourtney. Khloé was often banished to the plus size section during shopping montages. “I didn't know I was the fat sister until it was on TV” Khloé admits. Indeed, her own mother fueled this insecurity, allowing rumours to spread about Khloé’s “real” father, even suggesting that it might have been O.J. Simpson. In season one, Rob and Khloé seem to make a natural pair in the shadows of their siblings, preferring to be themselves when the cameras are there, riffing off of Kim and maintaining some sense of privacy. Rob, the sole Kardashian brother, has been able to maintain this degree of privacy in his life. His choices are not as scrutinised as his sisters, with the exception of his ill-fated relationship and subsequent child with Angela White, publicly known as Blac Chyna. He has been able, permitted even, to raise his child and have a life away from the public eye. As the show gained popularity, Khloé was not afforded this luxury. 

As much as we have to recognise that Khloé is in an incredibly privileged position, she is still human underneath the WGS brand waist trainer. Watching a young woman lose herself over the course of 20 seasons is heartbreaking. Through the early years, Khloé defends her sisters with vigour and passion, even in the face of their consistent rejection of her. She constantly stands up for Kourtney during the deterioration of her marriage to Scott Disick, whose indiscretions made up the plot of most of the thirteenth season. As the Khlomoney era continues, Khloé becomes consistently infuriated, petty, and violent to the people around her, including her family, as her care for her sisters and their marriages is ignored. This too resonates with me; sometimes, even your closest girlfriends don’t want, or need, your opinions on their relationships; even if you think their significant others are douche lords. 

Khloé spirals further, marrying basketball player Lamar Odom months after meeting him. Khlomoney at this point is unrecognisable to me. What began as a young woman asserting herself as best she could, had become a string of physical altercations, public screaming matches and bad decisions. The damage of the Khlomoney era on her wellbeing was not immediately obvious to me or the public. Khloé’s marriage to Odom began to deteriorate in part thanks to his struggles with addiction. Odom added insult to injury during their divorce proceedings after insulting her in court, which were briefly paused after Odom was found unresponsive in a Nevada brothel, having suffered several drug induced heart attacks and 12 strokes, so that Khloé might make medical decisions on his behalf during his recovery. I truly wept for Khloé then, and her struggle is in some ways universal; a young woman, trying desperately to hold it together. Khloé was simultaneously trying to fit into a family whose loyalty seemed not to extend to her, despite her efforts, living in Hollywood’s worst snake pit, constantly picked on for her size, her face, and her behaviour. She had not a second to breathe for herself. Not to mention, all of this is before Tristan Thompson entered the scene. 

Thompson, another basketball player, has also had a tumultuous relationship with Khloé. It began amidst rumours he cheated on his then-pregnant girlfriend with her. The pair dated for two years until 2018, when Khloé fell pregnant with their first child. Hours after the birth of their daughter, tabloids like TMZ and the Daily Mail reported that Thomson was unfaithful to Khloé during her pregnancy and even during her active labour. Striking up an affair with Jordyn Woods, a longtime friend of the family and Kylie Jenner’s best friend of years, Thompson lied and cheated his way into fatherhood. In the words of Kim Kardashian: “he dogged her, and embarrassed the shit out of her … when the whole world was looking.”

What would we do, if put in Khloé’s position? Maybe we would stop dating basketball players. Maybe we would scream, cry, and hide away. Maybe we would ruin his reputation. Khloé had more than enough reason to do any of these - and yet she reached for peace. 

At the time, I was disappointed in her. Gone was the Khlomoney I knew and loved - here was some ridiculous woman who believed in redemption for cheaters. I was crying out at my TV for Khlomoney to return, to stand up for herself, pleading with E!, “where has Khloé Kardashian gone?!” Now I can see that Khloé acted not in her best interest, but in the interests of her newborn daughter. 

A new Khloé emerged - one without anger, and with purpose. Khloé, in her seemingly infinite well of forgiveness and grace, decided to try to make their relationship work for the sake of their daughter. She has since welcomed another child into the world with Thompson via surrogate in 2022, despite the fact that during this rekindling Thompson has fathered another child outside of their relationship. The two have since split up twice more. Khloé may truly be a saint, or maybe just naïve, nevertheless she still continues to care for their two children and Thomspon’s younger sibling. 

This is not to say that Khlomoney doesn’t still rear her head; in the episodes filmed after the birth of her daughter, Khloé confronts Thompson, as calm as anything, promising him: “If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have fucked you up … I just didn’t want to break my nails before delivery.”

Khloé has not changed totally, and nor would I want her to – she still has sponsored posts, a revenge body and a love for soft porn photoshoots – but she is adding more to her media personality. She retains herself, and rediscovers herself; and so Khlomoney lives on. In recent episodes, Khloé is a homebody - no drama, no fighting, less swearing - just a woman who leads with wisdom and understanding. Thompson is rarely seen, both in public and on the show, but Khloé takes it in stride, focusing on creating joy for her children and family instead. She has founded her own clothing brand, Good American, which champions inclusive sizing and leads the market for plus-size jeans. She holds devotional sessions for herself and her close friends each morning, finding solace and community through religion. She speaks out about the Armenian Genocide, the importance of voting, and she has developed her own projects including a new fragrance which smells delightful and an upcoming podcast series. 

The old Khlomoney may be dead, but I think it might be better that way. The woman we know now is kinder, wiser, and more balanced. What more can the rest of us hope for than this? To age with regrets; but with knowledge, commitment to the important things in life, and with peace. And sometimes, just when I think she has disappeared forever, I can catch whispers of Khlomoney. If you know where to look, there are snatches of her; an Instagram caption of “betrayal rarely comes from your enemies”, a spread of dollar bills and a dog filter on her Snapchat story, an eos lip balm. Khlomoney is dead; Long live Khlomoney.